That was released on August 12, 2022, by Asian singer-songwriter Nicole “NIKI” Zefanya. In the album, NIKI describes her thoughts on the bridge between nostalgia and introspection through telling stories of her youth. The album itself is an intricate and beautiful story of growth that wistfully encapsulates the teenage experience of going through love, loss, longing, and living for the hope of it all.
The song “Backburner” is the third track from this album; the idea to write about this song came about when I was tabling for healthy relationships under Title IX. The term backburner is a metaphor for putting something aside for more important or urgent matters to be taken care of. In romantic terms, “being placed in the backburner” is the coined term for the phenomenon when someone leads on another person, in case things don't work out with whoever they're seeing at present.
NIKI starts the song by stating that she doesn't care about anything else as long as she and the subject of the song are talking, even though she’s aware that the attention she is receiving is toxic and fleeting. She goes into detail about their shared past and how they both worked their way out of numerous difficulties together through mentions of their experiences with religious and moral issues commonly present in Asian culture. Her next line, "Whether we're free of will or predestined, clearly I’ve not learned my lesson even now. Hope he doesn’t strike me down" supports this as well. NIKI then goes on to say that the other party and their interests ought to be dead to her by now, but she still can’t help herself from missing the person. The lyrics "Maybe I’m just not better than this, I haven’t tried. Maybe life's less romantic when I don't wanna die" continue to express her belief that perhaps she simply isn't capable of moving on, as well as her belief that perhaps her life wouldn't be as "exciting" if things were better between her and the other person.
NIKI expresses her awareness of how hopeless her circumstances are, but she offers no solution because she is unsure of what to do. She is aware of the other party's shortcomings, but she can't help but continue to fall for them. She doesn't know why, but she still has faith in the other party. NIKI continues by saying how she knows they were meant to fall apart, but still finds it difficult to let go. She then states that perhaps the reason she doesn't recognize her worth stems from her interactions and how she witnessed her parents' rocky relationship; this was referenced in the lyrics “Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride, maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes. It’s their fault that I’ll always be in your corner, ‘cause I don’t feel alive ‘till I’m burning on your backburner.”
As the song approaches its end, NIKI's poignant lyrics shed light on the painful reality of settling for less in relationships. In the lyrics, "And I know that it's sad that I settle for the backburner, oh, backburner. Guess I won't ever mind crispin’ up on your backburner. As long as you still think of me, oh", she states that she acknowledges that her decision to settle for the backburner is pitiful but she doesn't care as long as she knows that the other person still “loves” her. No matter how much it hurts, she just can't let go even though she knows the relationship is not serving her and the other person will always put her last (or in their “backburner”). This song, artistically captures the experiences that an unfortunate sum of us go through as we mature over time. No matter how much we try to romanticize our way out of them, we will inevitably experience heartbreak. The reality is that these experiences may even impair our judgment and give the impression that there is no way out of whatever it is that we may be going through.
Human nature is the desire to love and be loved, so there's nothing wrong with wishing for longlasting, healthy relationships where you feel seen and appreciated. Recognizing the warning signs of toxic relationships is a huge step that opens the door to development and progress on a personal level. It's important for those going through similar struggles to understand that ending a toxic relationship is important to their well-being. Seeking support from loved ones, friends, or even counselors can help facilitate the process of healing and introspection. In addition, putting an emphasis on self-love, establishing boundaries, and recognizing one’s worth may even prove to be beneficial in the process of moving on. It is important to remember that although heartbreak is unavoidable, it can also serve as a driving force for change and perseverance (NIKI wrote more songs about that facet of moving on too).