Questioning Valentine's Day
We're approaching that time of year for overpriced chocolates in the shape of a heart, the societal obligation to purchase flowers breathing down your neck, and designating someone in your life as the person most deserving of the highly coveted position of being your Valentine.
Introduction
For many people, Valentine’s Day is a tremendously significant holiday, albeit one that elicits a lot of stress. In some ways, Valentine’s Day is a chance for us to reconnect with those we care about by forcing us to acknowledge the people in our lives that work, school, family, and other obligations can drown out. However, if you think about it, this proclaimed holiday of love makes people believe not only that they need a significant other in their life, but that February 14th is the time to go all out to express your feelings towards that person. Valentine’s Day also places immense pressure on those in relationships. If you fail to pick the proper present, it's perceived as though you don’t care about your partner or couldn’t take the time to express your gratitude for that person remaining in your life.
Understandably, not everyone shares this view of Valentine’s Day and I’m not suggesting that you should. Instead, I think we should question why we, as individuals, are buying into this holiday, quite literally and figuratively. If you want to celebrate this holiday because it truly makes you and your partner happy, then more power to you. However, if you think about it, the holiday becomes clouded with stress, pressure, negativity, and feels like something you must do rather than want to do. Instead, try critically looking at Valentine’s Day and what alternatives exist in your life.
Questions
Why do we only utilize February 14th to express our love, and why is it only meant for acknowledging romantic relationships? Why can’t it be love for your cousin, your neighbor, your fluffy four-legged best friend? Why can’t it be a box of Cheez-Its for the savory snack connoisseur, a Funko Pop for the movie enthusiast instead of chocolates, and an overly glitzy Hallmark card? Why does something that will wither away in a matter of a couple of days, and deposit a thick yellow coating on your table convey "I love you" more than another gesture that may be more meaningful for a person in your life?
The Cons
While you're at the store buying into the commercialized image of love by spending money on materialistic items to establish for yourself and society that you have someone in your life, you are also reinforcing the reason for another person’s despair. We tend to forget that romantic relationships are not a prerequisite for happiness. Many people have found happiness in their jobs, hobbies, family, friends, and pets despite not having a significant other. Unfortunately, it's these same people who begin to view themselves negatively as February 14th approaches, wondering why they are not in a romantic relationship and deserving of the things that go into celebrating Valentine’s Day. You may be confused and think this is a contradiction. They may be happy, but that can only go so far if society is conveying in both explicit and implicit ways that they should not be. Truthfully, that's what I think is happening here in the United States. Valentine's Day is either this obligatory stressful tradition for those in relationships or a way of signaling to those who are not that they should be.
Expanding Our Understanding
I am not the first person to reject the notions of this holiday. There are numerous people, generally women, who celebrate “Galentine’s Day” on February 13th to celebrate the love they have for their other female friends. Although this fake holiday was established by a fictional character from the television show Parks and Recreation, I think it can teach us something about reforming our understanding of what Valentine’s Day should be about, which is all relationships both platonic and romantic. Even though this fictional holiday also focuses its scope on a narrow group of people, it’s a way to show that there are other meaningful connections and relationships people have in their lives that aren’t related to a romantic partner. I think if we all made an effort to express our love to one another, and to those we care about by expanding our understanding, we could all be happier.
Putting Words To Action
Examining Valentine’s Day in this way has made me reevaluate the various relationships in my own life. Instead of celebrating this holiday, I make a point to do things every so often to signal to the people in my life how important they are to me. This would manifest in different ways for everyone. In my life, I try to surprise my significant other with a movie, send out postcards to my family and friends while on vacation, and make sure to hug all those I care about before parting with them. There is no obligation because these are things that when I can do, I want to do. I am not constrained by any obligations or rules that dictate how I should go about honoring the love in my life that Valentine’s Day typically imposes. As a result, I feel more connected with those around me because I know that what I'm doing is meaningful.
Conclusion
In a couple of days, you may ultimately go to the store, buy a teddy bear, get a couple of boxes of chocolates and move on with your life. If this fulfills you, then, by all means, you should do it. However, if other people in your life would benefit from your acknowledgment and words of love, then you should not limit yourself to just your partner or just on Valentine's Day. If you love someone, tell them more often. Maybe you can surprise them by picking up their coffee at Dunkin, or just make an effort to shoot a text to say hello. These actions that seem insignificant may have a greater impact on a greater number of people in your life. To celebrate or not to celebrate? That is the question that only you can answer.
Image obtained from Squarespace
